It had been a tough week this week. I had to study for my CISSP exam, then work pressures from trying to get promotion and sudden increase in workload. Then I attended 2 days of FS-ISAC conference on Tuesday and Wednesday as well.

The conference has pretty good food but I only took 2 photos of the food. I took the photo of my snacks on the first day and wow, the sushi is very, very nice.

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Then I took photo of the lunch on the second day.

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It was great to meet my ex-colleagues at Grab and PayPal. I even saw my interviewer for SAP and six group. It’s the same guy and he remembered me. He even came over to say hello to me on the second day when he saw me eating at one of the tables. I was shocked that he remembered me and he was like, “Of course I will remember you.” Haha, did I do that well in the interviews? But then again I didn’t make it to the next round for six group leh… Shrugs. I went to add him on LinkedIn and he accepted it. Woohoo to a new LinkedIn connection. Haha.

Then I went to Singapore International Jewelry Expo 2024 at Marina Bay Sands on Thursday and Friday. I got myself a string of rainbow tourmaline beads and a pair of Akoya pearl earrings in set in 18K gold. 😀 It’s my first ever Akoya or saltwater pearl jewellery and wow, the lustre is very impressive. I really love it and it looks so much better than my freshwater pearls jewellery. I actually dropped 1 of it on the floor and then it kept bouncing because it is so round. Yes, it’s quite expensive since it is Japanese Akoya and also it is quite round. I really love it though and have been wearing ever since I got it. Not supposed to wear it daily though so I guess I will rotate it with my blue sapphire earrings for now. Haha.

I looked so pretty with the new Akoya pearl earrings though. Its shine and lustre makes my face looks even fairer and prettier lah. 🙂 Love it so much now!

I’m quite glad that I did not get any tanzanite or blue sapphire gems since I didn’t manage to find one that I am truly satisfied. It’s either the colour is nice but cut is meh or the other way round. I think I will just send my current tanzanite gem for certification to confirm that it is really tanzanite before getting it set into my jewellery piece. At least the cut is really nice on that gem even though the colour could have been better. I might consider getting pink diamonds some day but let’s see how it goes.

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I also presented a patent idea to my Patent Legal team on Friday and I think it went well. Hopefully I get another patent approved soon. 🙂 It was my first presentation with the legal team ever since I took over the entire innovation4good program. Yes, I’m now a program lead for it. I was also invited to present in 1 of the company events (India Innovation Forum) next, next week. It’s my first presentation whereby I was invited and going to present it by myself. Whee! I’m going to start to prepare the slides after my CISSP exam. It’s really different when you are invited because the organisers will send you the list of stuff to cover as per your request. It’s like you don’t really need to push or market yourself hard. I told the good news to 1 of my mentors who has been focusing on improving my own presentation and marketing myself better. Maybe I will get his help to help me review my slides. Hehe.

I had some health issue at the moment and I hope it clears up soon. If it doesn’t clear up by end of this month then I will have to be referred to a specialist and potentially take a biopsy. Sigh. I already had 2 cancer scares last year and really don’t want to go through it again. Please let it recover soon.

I was studying for CISSP at night last weekend (not this weekend) and I felt I was seeing stars. Felt quite dizzy and stuff. I think I have been too stressed recently and I just kept pushing on (which I am very good at) so my body is like pressing all the alarm bells to force me to rest. 🙁

It certainly doesn’t help that for the past week, I am like going out everyday and rushing here and there – be it work or personal life. Mostly due to work though. It’s tough to earn money these days, especially with the widespread layoffs in tech industry.

I met one of my mentors at the FS-ISAC conference and she commented that I should drop the part of finding love/husband. “Dun spread yourself thin.” is what she texted me on WhatsApp. I’m shocked to hear it from her because I didn’t say much about my personal life recently. I also didn’t tell her about my health issues recently. It’s interesting how Gulabi is also saying something along the same lines but that’s because she knew I have been sick for the past few months. She’s like… I know you can push and stretch yourself and will continue to do it but please take breaks.

My mentor also commented that she is happy that I have improved. I asked if I wore better and more suitable clothing for the conference and she said, it is not just the clothing that you have improved. You also improved in your demeanour and how you present yourself in a work setting. It’s impressive because I did it in 3 months and she told me that I need to spend time alone to be my true self. Everyone has different sides and I need to rest more and spend more alone time to recover. It’s going to be very tiring for me to keep up to the work demeanour. This reminded me of what my manager had told me before. Everyone has a different sides to show at work, at personal life and with their spouses.

I did a lot to reach to this stage. Reading lots of audio books, having multiple mentors, had therapy (to recover from my toxic relationship and face my own giants), researching on the dressing sense and how I can carry myself better. I’m also getting better at makeup and I definitely look way better now haha. Alex was commenting that 1 of my outfit of the day photos how I look like 28 years old and the clothes are like 18 years old so average is 23 years old. Wow, for a guy who always suan/disturb/bring me down to say that I look younger than my age (33 years old), it was quite an achievement. Makeup and dressing really can make one looks younger. Gulabi also commented how I look like same age or just a bit older than the new intern in 1 of the photos. Mind you, the intern is like 24 years old? Now the question is whether I can sustain this stage without pushing myself to my limits.

I guess I have to pick the right balls to manage now. Cannot drop the glass balls in my life and that includes health. I probably will stop swiping on the dating apps a few months to refocus my life in some important aspects that are coming up.

But I’m still curious to see if my fengshui master is right that I will have peach blossom luck in August. He specifically told me to look out in June and July this year. Well, I think I already rejected 2 men so far after having a few dates with them. Cause…. cannot make it lah. Sometimes good looks can only bring you so far. I had enough of mummy’s boy and indecisive dudes. All these rotten peach blossom luck arh… 😐 Then there’s 1 that seems quite high potential but not sure if we will actually end up meeting given that the conversation is slowly fading/dying after I told him I am not free to meet this weekend and said will prefer to meet after my exam next Wednesday. Lol. Maybe he is not meant to be or just one of the dudes who is either married or attached but still swiping to find ladies to spend time on weekends. Shrugs.

The next time I see my fengshui master, I must definitely bring this up. How come he is so accurate about being May 2024 will be a very tough time for me but in terms of the peach blossom part, he isn’t very accurate. 🙁 However, I did reject 2 men within the same month so hmmm…

Dear God, please just send my future husband to me. Stop sending men to teach me stuff that I need to know. Have I not learn enough? :'(

Anyway, just 3 more days to my CISSP exam. I really hope I can pass and get my ISC2 membership. If I pass it, then maybe I will consider learning driving so that if I relocate to US for work, I can still drive myself around. Oh well, a girl got to do what she needed to. I’m not going to be able to be a passenger princess sadly. 🙁

I recently watched this podcast on YouTube which explained pretty well about gaslighting. I highly recommend everyone to watch this podcast as it really explains really well about gaslighting.

DARVO – Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. I realised it happened to me as I was in my healing phase. Sylvia’s example was really classic and I can relate to it really well. Like the gaslighter will deny what he did, then attack you back before proclaiming himself as the victim and put you as the offender. If only I did my self-work and understand all these way earlier, I would not have wasted so many years. Oh well. At least I realised it much later.

Real narcissist will not heal. You are not in public service and you are not a social worker, so just run. Anger is a self-protection mechanism from danger, indeed.

This is a call for you ladies to understand the basics of gaslighting and be able to identify when you are in such situations. Don’t just walk away, run away immediately!

It’s day 3 of my hospitalisation leave and I am taking less naps. I still get dreams which are odd and wake up at odd hours too. I’m spending the day watching Love in Contract. My finger is still hurting but the strong painkillers are also helping my fingers. I didn’t dare to continue my TCM medicine for my finger since I am already taking really strong painkillers for my wound. Hopefully it doesn’t bleed as much tomorrow. It’s been a challenge to make sure that the bandage stays put though. Can’t wait for my followup appointment with the surgeon.

I also received a care hamper from Geck Keat today. She sent me some bird nest and vitamin C drinks. As a big fan of bird nest, I guess this is my excuse to spam bird nest? Hahaha. 🙂

I’m feeling blessed with the care and concern I received so far. That includes the care and support I got post-breakup. It wasn’t easy to navigate the health issues while the relationship was in the rocks. 🙁 I guess God has his way to make sure that at least I have supportive friends and also met a nice surgeon who encouraged me to just go for the surgery. Hopefully the scar is not as bad though haha. *fingers crossed* I hope I can trust a senior consultant surgery skills hehe.

I still remembered when I told my bestie that I have to go for the surgery and she went to find an auspicious date for it and told me to pick that date. I thought she meant she is only free on that date but it turned out she went to check every date before lunar 7th month to find out which date is auspicious for surgery. 🙂 The stars were aligned as that is also the earliest possible date when my surgeon is available. 

If I am still in a relationship with Chin Hau, today will be the 5th anniversary. However, the relationship was not salvageable. I tried my best and don’t know what else can be done. Relationship counselling only works if both parties are in the mindset of trying hard to salvage the relationship – like work together to fix the issues instead of fixing each other. It takes 2 hands to clap for it to work.

5 years is really long time. It’s also too long to have a relationship and not get married. If the couple were decisive and able to be honest with each other from the start, I don’t think it will take more than 3 years to settle down. It takes 2 hands to clap – for both to be decisive and honest with each other. It also takes the decisive one to see and point out the issues much earlier so we can’t just blame the indecisive one.

I would like to end this post with the following quote. It’s always difficult to see the true nature of people in good times. It’s the difficult times that will let you see the real beauty of people. Just like diamond – it takes a lot of heat and pressure for nature to create such a beautiful stone.

“Never forget three types of people: people who helped you in your difficult times, people who leave you in your difficult times and who put you in difficult times.”

I definitely learned quite a bit from this failed relationship. Sometimes it might be better to be single than to marry the wrong one or into the wrong family.

It’s been a month since I am back from my Seoul trip. I have filed my damaged baggage report with Singapore Airlines. I don’t know why I keep having problems that I need to fix. It’s been tough because my health has not been great. Stress levels has been quite high for some time too. I remembered I had to get a new Windows laptop in less than a week for a technical course. Luckily I have my then boyfriend, Chin Hau, at that time to help me with the laptop shopping research. However, sometimes it felt lonely with with so many issues but not as much support. Well, that’s adulting, isn’t it?

I am going through a broken heart phase right now. I’m not ready to talk more about it at the moment and I appreciate some privacy on it. Time will heal all woes, I hope. If it is meant to be, it will be.