This is a question that my leadership coach, Felicia Du, asked during my last coaching session yesterday.

I replied pretty quickly and said, “I have always being the odd one out so it is like normal.” Then she laughed and said something like if you are not exceptional then it is really odd for you. That was a really good question because subsequent questions, she was asking me to reflect why I always strive hard to be exceptional and what was the first time I was exceptional.

Then I thought back and realised that the first time it happened was when I am in primary 6. At a mere age of 11 years old (because I am a December baby), I managed to study hard in 1 month to do better than expected for my PSLE. I didn’t do well for my preliminary exams for PSLE. In fact, I was supposed to go into Normal Technical stream. I panicked at that time. My parents weren’t worried since they had never planned to send me for degree education. If I can somehow get a diploma, their job is completed because I can just go out to work with a diploma.

Luckily, I managed to get into Express stream after I got my actual PSLE scores. I got into the 4th class (out of 5 class) in the Express stream on my first year. After a year, I got into the 2nd class. In that second year, I realised I am a late bloomer and my academics went even better and I made it to the top 10 students in my entire school cohort for some school subjects. On my third year, I made it to the top class in Express stream and took up the triple science and double math subject combination. It is one of the hardest subjects combination offered by my neighbourhood secondary school at that time.

My coach then told me that among all of her clients (mostly in China), I have one of the rare strengths (Commander) and talents (most of my top strengths are in the Influencing/orange space), especially for a female. Everything is pointing towards leadership role for me but I am not in a leadership role somehow. She thinks I will end up in a leadership role somehow – be it within my current company or another company.

She also mentioned that a lot of her exceptional clients are driven because of childhood trauma- the need to impress their parents. Something that is quite linked to Asian culture. However, she can see that I have that fire in me which is quite different from the rest. I’m also quite used to being the exception and is comfortable with my own success. It is like the norm for me. 😀

I am also reflecting more on this topic and I think my fire was triggered by fear. The fear of inability to protect or take care of myself. If no one loves me then I should at least love myself. I think that’s the line that I have been telling myself everything I have a setback in family/relationships. As a result, I have to push myself to greater heights and achieve so much more that I am able to protect and take care of myself. That is probably the fire within myself. Driven by my desire for self protection.

It’s really interesting how my coach can sense this characteristic of me in the third session of coaching. I’m pretty impressed and no wonder she is working as an executive leadership coach for so many years…

Now back to doing the homework (journaling) that she gave me. Interesting how my career coach from US also gave me the same homework/feedback. I need to make sure that I don’t fall into the traps of my strengths and work on improving my awareness.